write write write
in hopes that something will flow out
other than the sewage that's filling my mind these days
winter -- or whatever this in-between time that the calendar
doesn't actually allow to be called "winter" because it's not official --
pushes me toward self-criticism and self-loathing
and i'm broken more than usual because of this crushing loss
so i can't rebound like i should
there's no voice of reason telling my inner critic to shut up
and i have lost my bearings and i don't know which way is up
or if i'm just going to keep drowning here
waiting for the sun to return.
the only thing i can do to retain some semblance of realism
is to distract myself from the heartache and heart break
but are these lies keeping me from feeling what i need to feel
keeping me from going through this tunnel of darkness
i don't know how to grieve
because i can't say goodbye
and i refuse because he isn't gone
but he's gone from this world and i just can't accept that yet.
how does this work?
i say i miss you
i say i'll always love you
i try to come to grips with this absence you've left
and trying isn't doing anything
and those days when i don't think about you hardly at all
i feel so damn guilty afterward
like i should be mourning with every breath
like i should be standing still to feel the fullness of my loss
and i do that and i don't feel any better
i'm reminded how much i miss you and
how i didn't understand sorrow until i didn't have you to soothe my pain
i know i can't stand still and
i know i can't cry every second
and i know i can't hurt with every cell of my being
or can i? because i do and i have and i will forever.
there's no fix for what's broken
because there's no bringing you back.
words are inadequate
and i try to be so damn erudite
when it hurts and there's nothing more to it.
i never understood how someone could walk forward
when memories and pain were pulling him back
and maybe i never will
but i'm still on this world
and i have to live your legacy
because you gave me life
and i have to do something with it
and sometimes i feel like i'm wasting air
and sometimes i feel like i'm wasting potential
and sometimes i feel like there's so much more
but i can't make myself move
when i'm stuck thinking about how much i miss you
but the memories keep me going at the same time they hold me here
and i don't know what to say or do or feel
but i miss you.
and i love you always.
in hopes that something will flow out
other than the sewage that's filling my mind these days
winter -- or whatever this in-between time that the calendar
doesn't actually allow to be called "winter" because it's not official --
pushes me toward self-criticism and self-loathing
and i'm broken more than usual because of this crushing loss
so i can't rebound like i should
there's no voice of reason telling my inner critic to shut up
and i have lost my bearings and i don't know which way is up
or if i'm just going to keep drowning here
waiting for the sun to return.
the only thing i can do to retain some semblance of realism
is to distract myself from the heartache and heart break
but are these lies keeping me from feeling what i need to feel
keeping me from going through this tunnel of darkness
i don't know how to grieve
because i can't say goodbye
and i refuse because he isn't gone
but he's gone from this world and i just can't accept that yet.
how does this work?
i say i miss you
i say i'll always love you
i try to come to grips with this absence you've left
and trying isn't doing anything
and those days when i don't think about you hardly at all
i feel so damn guilty afterward
like i should be mourning with every breath
like i should be standing still to feel the fullness of my loss
and i do that and i don't feel any better
i'm reminded how much i miss you and
how i didn't understand sorrow until i didn't have you to soothe my pain
i know i can't stand still and
i know i can't cry every second
and i know i can't hurt with every cell of my being
or can i? because i do and i have and i will forever.
there's no fix for what's broken
because there's no bringing you back.
words are inadequate
and i try to be so damn erudite
when it hurts and there's nothing more to it.
i never understood how someone could walk forward
when memories and pain were pulling him back
and maybe i never will
but i'm still on this world
and i have to live your legacy
because you gave me life
and i have to do something with it
and sometimes i feel like i'm wasting air
and sometimes i feel like i'm wasting potential
and sometimes i feel like there's so much more
but i can't make myself move
when i'm stuck thinking about how much i miss you
but the memories keep me going at the same time they hold me here
and i don't know what to say or do or feel
but i miss you.
and i love you always.
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