we do not share the same improprieties.
to ignore and set aside darker desires,
to bury discordant feelings
to disobey urges of the id:
these are my duties.
but these sanctions and prohibitions
are not your own.
pursue your urgent urges
chase him down dark alleys
and bring him the light
sate unsanctioned appetites
because no duties and responsibilities
hold you down.
darker, ever darker.
yes, i know this is no way to live
but i only want you to live vicariously
and let you fade away.
because not even the worst version of myself
could survive on darkness alone.
who's the darker one of us
if i'm content to let you kill yourself off?
but the truth is...
without the sanctions
without the broken commitments
you would be happy and free
to pursue your acceptable urges
and make him your own.
and i would be forever barred
from breaking and disobeying
and pursuing my own darkness.
you would keep me from myself
so you will remain the impossibility you are.
i refuse to give you life
because it would mean death to my fantasies
and i cannot see them wane.
so i am content to let my mind travel through possibilities
and dark alleys.
my imagined self allows my true self to thrive.