Saturday, March 10, 2012


esculent --
carrots, celery, tomatoes...
but wait, those don't fit the category!
i understand the seeds define the classification
but i still link tomatoes to the salads they decorate
more than to the fruits they pass in the street.
am i strange that i see divisions between objects?
they're both edible -- shouldn't they be equivalent?
but they're not.
two things may be interchangeable
but they're not identical.
just because both fill the same blank
doesn't mean they fill it the same way.
different clothes for a different man.


esculent / ES-kyuh-luhnt noun:
Something edible, especially a vegetable.
esculent / ES-kyuh-luhnt \ adjective:
Suitable for use as food; edible.
Carol's taste in men -- heretofore limited to muscle-bound athletes -- experienced a culinary upset when a vegan Adonis moved into the neighborhood. He was truly esculent!

Friday, March 9, 2012


furcate / FUR-keyt \ verb:
To form a fork; branch.

furcate / FUR-keyt \ adjective:
Forked; branching.

Observing her brothers from her bedroom window, Sam lamented the superfluous furcations of her family tree. She was confident that a forthcoming nut shot video shoot would correct this oversight, effectively removing her siblings from the gene pool.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012


no chains hold me here
but i appertain to you all the same.
by signing our names side-by-side,
we've both agreed
to share ourselves with one another.
you are my keeper and i, as yours,
plan to push you toward your dreams
(but not too hard)
and pull when i need you close
(but not so often you 're forever exiled from solitude).
a see-saw,
giving and taking through ups and downs,
i hope to share the work and the play
for all time.


appertain / ap-er-TEYN\ verb:
To belong as a part, right, possession or attribute.

Kristie stepped onto the school bus and excitedly took a seat in the back row. She had waited a long time to claim the benefits appertaining to a sixth grader and was now ready to mount her throne.

Monday, March 5, 2012


life is not a babbling brook
or profluent river reaching for the sea;
it is more a waterfall,
splashing upon rocks
and wasting of itself
to drop to lower heights.
it is a rapid,
violently attacking
any who dare cross its path.
it's true:
there are short spans of tranquil waves
where the only ripples are made by
waterbugs on the surface
but nothing is so mutable as
the current of existence.


profluent / PROF-loo-uhnt \ adjective:
Flowing smoothly or abundantly forth.

Gretel was shocked at the profluent water gushing from the rusty pump at the old well. She jumped back and laughed with childish glee as it splashed onto her knees.

Sunday, March 4, 2012


wisdom lies in chaos --
a fact i've learned by my waning naivete
across the axis of time.
the more trouble i endure,
the less it troubles me.
all things come and go with the wind --
be it light whisper or hurricane --
and all i can do is stand my ground
as it softly whistles in my ear or bursts my eardrums.
am i a sapling, torn from the earth after germination
or am i more invested in the earth i occupy?
i am content, today, to be a dandelion,
giving of myself to enrich the world around me.


oracular / aw-RAK-yuh-ler\ , adjective:
1. Ambiguous; obscure.
2. Of the nature of, resembling, or suggesting an oracle.
3. Giving forth utterances or decisions as if by special inspiration or authority.
4. Uttered or delivered as if divinely inspired or infallible; sententious.
5. Portentous; ominous.

Sometimes I suspect sentences encased in fortune cookies are assembled in the same random way as Dada poetry with the same oracular effect. Wisdom lies in chaos, it seems.

Saturday, March 3, 2012


did i cause it?
my nethers:
are they responsible for the division?
maybe i should be less obtuse.
by playing both sides
was i causing a rift?
maybe i am equally suited for both
but i made my choice --
perhaps i did so without fully considering the other side
and yes, i didn't have the opportunity to examine you
when he was filling my vision
but i need to accept the choice i made
even if there were unexplored options.
there will always be lands i haven't seen
but i got greedy?
or did my curiosity just get outside of the bag it was allotted?
i want my puzzle piece to align with your own;
at the same i know my piece has been aligned with another for eternity.
so we're both going our own ways
but you need to stop looking at him with those eyes
and i need to stop looking you you with any eyes.
i feel presumptuous when i think i made such an impact
but at the same how couldn't i?
you were vulnerable
despite having been away from your lady for so long.
and i should have seen that.
what did i see?
just us.
just puzzle pieces fitting together
and heat
and fire
and desire
and wanting
and -- at the time -- he was not confident
and he lacked what you possessed
and i was drawn in
even if you hadn't meant to lay the trap
you did.
and yet neither can be blamed
even though we both can have hate within the desire for one another.
and i'm afraid to mention it to him
because i know that would widen the gap between
and i regret putting your friendship before my contract
but it's true all the same.
"bros before hos" they say
but i don't think that applied this time.
if only you had a "she"
but you threw her away.
was that my fault too?
i don't even know what your grey matter is trying to say
though you're talking in another direction so it's not surprising
that my satellites wouldn't pick up your sounds.
perhaps i should numb my brain with other things.
part of me aches to kiss your face
but another part just wants amnesia for us both.
can we backtrack to last year and forget anything ever happened?


he's in the other room
and my eyes are closed
even though they should be looking ahead of me
my closest friend is 500 miles away
and i feel like the lack of estrogen coded to my own
is making me miserable.
though, to be fair, miserable is not the word.
i don't know that a definition exists
to explain the lack
of lack.
i don't have anything to want
but i want it anyway.
it was only two months
(was it that? did it truly happen or was yesterday someone else's past?)
i feel like i need to cover my tracks
but if feel like doing so would camouflage who i am
i am weak
and not because i am a woman;
i am weak because i breathe
and i must rely on inorganic molecules to survive.
how strange that the organisms that rule everything
are so ruled by everything.
God only knows that i am devoid of purpose
or do not admit to knowing it.
if i had your contact information
i would contact you
and then be upset at your lack of response
you don't give a shit
(and why would you? i have not proven myself to be more than useless and faithless and unloyal even if nothing has really happened other than a little groping because sometimes that's what it takes to find your footing when you're climbing a cliff -- a natural cliff, mind you, with no neon-color-outlined grips. why haven't i gone to Atlanta Rocks! yet because that would be a great workout? and why hasn't my husband come to see what's going on here? do you figure he thinks I'm asleep or has he drank more than I (just a single tall can of 12% alcohol). is it ok to use parentheses inside of parentheses?)
 and i can't get that through my brain.

why am i still typing?
i need to go to sleep or do something productive
like fucking him until i can't think of anything else?
it is bad that i'm  using orgasm to tune out the truth?
is it truth for the long-term or just what i want to see for the moment?
i can't be sure.
does my libido exceed my wisdom?
i am often distracted by sex and stimulus.
does the effect of the cause justify the motivation of the motion?
how many times have i posed the question?
is there any point
or it is only echoes?
the plurization of english words is confusing sometimes.

who are you?
where are you?
i see you skulking around online every so often?
or are you skulking in troth?
i doubt my thoughts align with reality,.
you're on another stepstone miles away.
meanwhile, i only hope to hop closer
and you're gaining some solidity to your existence
at the same time that mine crumbles to dust.
and he doesn't know.
i don't even know if i'm not uninhibited.
this alcohol opens my eyes at the same time it opens my tear ducts
truth be told, i don't cry often
and when i do it's for stupid reasons like movie reels
but when i do cry, it's cathartic.
perhaps i need to cry and in so doing, release you.
you need to be free
and even if you're not cognizant of it,
i am holding you here.
my desires have chained you to this existence.
can we ever be free of ourselves?

It sucks

it sucks that i think about you when i know i shouldn't.
you're a waste of my time and don't give a shit about my time.
and yet i think about you nonetheless.
natheless, if my smart blog had a say in the matter.
why do you occupy my thoughts when you've not occupied my life for a single second this past month.
has it only been a month?
i seem to have lost the grains of sand that represent your time away
or perhaps my own.
i tell myself it's just concern for a fellow human --
are you alive? are you well? what's new?
surely any stranger could pose these questions.
but i'm me and you're you.
and i can't help but phantasize about what could have been
or could be.
my mind is an open book and the pages all blank
and the only pen is held in my own fingers
and God only knows if you have any concern
flowing from your side of the abyss
I could very well be talking to a black hole
and you're not listening anyway so what does the receiver's identity matter?
i feel very high-school
in that i'm concerned with pettiness
and i remember that night when i snogged with chris on the couch
as the other (elitists? or so i thought back in the early-2000s) puffed on their hookah pipe
and it felt good and i could let go for once
even if i knew he had another life
(and, as it turns out, a girlfriend)
but i really didn't care because it felt good being touched and kissed
after so long without a connection with charles.
is it strange that chrises pop up in my life so often?
chris ardrey
chris sommerfield (gay, might i add)
chris duffy (ugh. "if you've got time to clean, you've got time to lean?!" who makes their own catchphrase, really??)
chris "goat-boy" -- why the fuck can't i think of his name right now?
i know i have a beanie baby that resembles him
but can't remember which came first.
i think it's the egg,
or perhaps the chicken.
someone said the latter
but my mind tells me the former is more logical --
though said logic is based on the Bible
and despite what the Chris says,
i don't know exactly how valid its points are
why am i listening to trance?
damn, you've managed to tunnel your way into my psyche
the termite image was not incorrect.
if only i had my phone to prove to you how long ago i thought of the metaphor
but then again, my phone doesn't tell you dates of my memos
unless you go deep inside to the coding
which i really don't know how to access.
perhaps i should use this colt45 to my advantage
and rekindle friendships online with this facebook shit
but i can't seem to get myself re-entangled with the yarn
that i really only cared about on the surface before.
i feel like i've typed enough to make the scroll bar a small square
but it's still a rectangle
and i still haven't bought blair crimmins tickets
even though conan seems to urge me in that direction
where is max weinberg when you need him?
apparently right behind you, if your name is bruce springsteen!
that is a funny joke that i'm about to post on facebook.
is it bad that i filter out my bullshit
to come across some fool's gold?
you'd think i'd be screening things for REAL gold
but i can't promise that. sometimes it's more fun to have something that looks like the real thing
because the real thing is too expensive.
is life too expensive to be real?
is the matrix accurate?
perhaps i should watch that again.
it just occurred to me that i'm online
and can do that from the computer
but now i'm remembering that i'm listening to trance --
something you seem to think you led me to.
and yes, you led me to the term...
but as it turns out, i've been drawn to the genre since before i knew its official name
what are you up to these days?
are you alive?
are you well?
i really want to know how you're doing
even though i know that would open a can of worms
perhaps he'll fill the hole
even though there shouldn't be a hole to fill
why is there a hole to fill?
shouldn't my hole be full
(though, of course, it can't be because i'm not a porn star
and even they sleep from time to time sans-dick.
i used to fear i'd get stuck to a man if we fell asleep...
i know that's silly now
or do i?
but i still don't want to fall asleep inside one another
though to be fair, you're not physically inside me
only mentally.
and him psychically.
how did we get here?
when did my eyes open the door
that you strolled into?
did you take advantage
or did i GIVE you advantage?
perhaps i've always stood here waiting to be taken advantage of?
the Whitest Kids You Know joke that "she was asking for it"
(by wearing purple, she was enticing "The Grapist")
maybe i really wanted you to come my way?
maybe i waited until you were available
(you were technically "available" ever since your move north
but not fully available until you realized she had moved on).
and then we played games
(candyland or clue when it could have been twister?)
instead of following the path ahead of us --
who wants six pegs in your back when you can be free until the end of the game of life?
and i continued on my pre-destined path
and you walked on your alotted path
and we hurt each other
even though we wanted something else
we settled for the convenient, instantaneous...
all the while, we knew there was more.
when will our peninsulas meet?
are we fated to be separated by blue water
or will we admit to our failures?

but then again,
perhaps i'm wrong and we are just me and another person who doesn't give a shit.
my phantasies don't work if i can't imagine you in them
but they're only phantasies because you're not there.


how can i be liege to my heart
when its rhythm shifts without warning,
responding to instinctual impulses
that threaten to overcome the established hierarchy?
the collar 'round my tiny finger marks me his,
but is it enough?
any good animal tamer knows
that i a cage or collar need not be too restrictive,
as such means of control establish a monarchy
rather than a mutual agreement based on trust.
my ring is like a spring,
allowing me to look away for a moment
so long as i spring back to where i belong.
he trusts me to return to home when we meet again, 
but do i?
the flesh is weak when prodded by the id revealed;
can i keep my baser self repressed
so as always to base my life around him?
basically, maybe...


liege / leej \ adjective:
1. Loyal; faithful.
2. Owing primary allegiance and service to a feudal lord.
3. Pertaining to the relation between a feudal vassal and lord.

liege / leej \ noun:
1. A feudal lord entitled to allegiance and service.
2. A feudal vassal or subject.

Liege to long-standing grammar rules, I have difficulty stomaching "they" used as a third-person impersonal singular pronoun.

Friday, March 2, 2012


i fear my tendency for flowery speech
often comes across as a cant.
i'll admit to frequent indecision --
i do hail from the lunar court, after all
(as my moods testify) --
but i don't wish to repel others
with a lack of assertiveness.
my inability to assert my needs and desires
to all but my closest friends and family
is detrimental...
it seems my speech fails to encapsulate
the fullness of my written compositions.
what encouraged this disconnect
between text and talk?
it is silly to hide behind the screen of the paper
when spoken words are so much more efficient...
but i cannot abandon the introspection
available on the page...


cant / kant \ verb:
1. To talk hypocritically.
2. To speak in the whining or singsong tone of a beggar; beg.

cant / kant \ noun:
1. Insincere, especially conventional expressions of enthusiasm for high ideals, goodness, or piety.
2. The private language of the underworld.
3. The phraseology peculiar to a particular class, party, profession, etc.
4. Whining or singsong speech, especially of beggars.

Speak plainly and divulge your requests without hesitation; canting will only decrease my desire to help you.