so many words

so many words.
unimpeded by formality and decorum,
i write what i want
even though it pains me to admit
and let loose these truths.
to keep the ships in the harbor
would deprive them of their purpose.
i have feelings,
at time inconvenient and untimely,
that should not be buried.
to love across boundaries is commendable,
but to stomp upon tradition, convention...
what reward for the stomper?
i cannot turn away from a commitment;
i cannot burn the bridge i'm standing on;
i cannot stop loving him to pursue another.
and yet i do,
and yet i itch to dive off this bridge
and swim after him.
what to do with these feelings?
they are not going anywhere
and i don't know how to make them
go away.