Wednesday, August 27, 2014

purge

graham crackers crumble
and s'mores beg for seconds
but my heart can only shatter
and it's not beat in days.

i'm not alive without your sun
i cannot die without your touch
but still we stand, apart.

what do you mean to teach tonight?
your silence holds such terrors!
but you won't hold me tight
so how will i survive?

my spine is crooked but whose crook
caught and dragged me back to this spot?
i am a crook for stealing what i can't possess.

go to sleep, my little one --
our little life encapsulated in your eyes.
your gaze waters my horses.
and we gallop far far away.


in progress

my muscles are of ramen
my bones are pure saltine
but my heart is made of diamond
just try and fuck with me.

i don't have dollar bills to burn
but a fire blazes in my chest
i'll take passion over cash
...

Monday, August 25, 2014

Will she or won't she?

Just realized there is an "email" button that pops up when I post to these blogs. So not only am I strongly encouraged to share my posts on friends' feeds, but I get a suggestion to go one step further* and email you as well.

(Hope you like spam.)

If you're in Hawaii, aloha. (If you're not, aloha.)

I love layers of meaning like onions love nothing because they're inanimate.
So basically nothing.

I don't know why I'm posting my thoughts rather than keeping them bottled inside. Maybe I'm finally realizing that bottling these words up just clogs up my head which just spews out ideas. I should purge my head of concepts even though the vast majority will be a waste of time and cyberspace.

(Though that seems to be growing in the same way the universe is.)

But the problem tonight is that I'm getting tired.

*I say "further" because this is a metaphorical distance, though I suppose you could also use "farther" since I did count my steps. In other words, I might need to institute a superscript numbering system so I can separate my tangents from the "main quest" of my posts. Would that be too confusing? The format would encourage a second reading, which I guess is almost as good as a share.

Thoughts

Framing a story.

Or continuing an old?

  • Vampire / body snatcher / wizard saga.
  • Two friends preoccupied with death coping with life in different ways.
  • Twenty-something still living with parents, unemployed and unmotivated, finds an impetus through graffiti art.
 Novelty is scary but appealing all the same.

. . . 

Nonsense

So I'm gaining weight and getting dumber
So it's about damn time
That I come back and type words on a screen.

I should probably compose with pen and pad
Since the feel of the pen between my fingertips
Is so sensual I just. cannot. even.

Superb, how swell the awesome greatness is!
There are no vegetables in my garden
But I wish there were a bun in the oven.

Sometimes
When I  stop thinking about myself for a change
I want more.

Being me is so unsatisfying sometimes
Because I find new things about myself everyday
And novelty is dangerous.

But give me a novel any day.
But will I write one?
If I live in the today.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

equanimity

I promised myself I would complete these tasks on my day off:
  1. Write 3 blog posts.
  2. Do 2 loads of laundry.
  3. Watch 1 episode of Mad Men
Now, the third may seem a bit strange, as Netflix, more often than not, ends up on my "completed" list without any conscious effort. The idea was not to exceed that one episode before the other two tasks had been completed.

So I did the first load of laundry and have been dragging my feet about the posts...and staring longingly at the TV. So it's time to sit down and write.

I decided to begin with the least labor-intensive blog I have. Hmm, that's not right. I guess this blog format seems easiest because the word-of-the-day posts have a rigid format and I need a little structure right now. My OCD tells me to look back at old posts to see what format I used for these kind of things, but that is the first of many tangents I will forgo as I pursue my goal.

Today's word is equanimity, which according to Dictionary.com, means "mental or emotional stability or composure, especially under tension or strain; calmness; equilibrium."

Jessica credited her yoga and meditation classes for increasing her equanimity in the workplace. Rick, her arch-nemesis at the office (if just in his own head), hadn't noticed a difference in her stress management skills. Rick just saw an increase in her bullshit.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

not sure

i don't have anything planned
but who among us ever does
even if we plan
our plans step aside
when something else trumps the original offer.
or maybe it's a boulder
but over eras, it too erodes
so live hard
love long
while you can
and life might be justified.

Sunday, August 3, 2014

extremes

fire burns.
ice melts.
which is my heart with you?
 i want both
but fantasy fades
and you are not who i see
when i turn out the lights.


no foresight, only digging

where there is substance
without import
i am there.

i feel useful
but utility next to artistry cannot compare.
i have so much inside
but have shifted my focus to my output
instead of what i am.

can i become what i hold
can i ever grasp my potential
will i ever try?

if i died in five minutes
how useless would my end become?
i sit here, fingers afire
but mind only just beginning to awaken again.
where did i go?

i used to think my individualism was a strength
i sometimes feel my cooperation is strength
what is stronger: the chain or my link?
i cannot focus on one without  weakening the other.

who are you, girl?
why should we waste a breath on you?
show us your brilliance
or we will always turn away.

empty

what am i feeling
other than emptiness
i'm a mason jar fresh off the shelf
before the food to fill me
before the wax to close me
i am empty.
where is the canner to make me whole?


Fizzle.

I always struggle over which pictures to pair together. I feel like finding that thread that ties the pictures together is necessary to make a coherent post. Still, requiring myself to seek this connection is a big reason why I don't post as often as we'd like. Maybe I should lower my own expectations and just throw my miscellany together, theme be damned.

Let's explore that avenue together: here's a few unrelated pictures. If their only commonality is that they were discovered during the same thrifting outing, so be it.

First up: INFANTRY.

Not exactly the battle formation I would have chosen
The battlefield looks like total chaos; no phalanxes or defensive lines. What could these men be possibly hoping to accomplish with this seeming lack of strategy?

Why, hello, madam!

It's been a long time since we've opted for a full-scale war for one woman. (Helen, I'm looking at you.) Goodwill might as well be the battlefield.

I hoped to move on from here, and even had pictures queued up to use.

...

I didn't notice until just now that the photos need to be rotated 45+ degrees.

I'll be leaving now, scooting out a little embarrassed. If you need something to read, look at this.