Shiv

i've buried you deep inside,
a shiv sheathed in my heart.
i slid into cardiac tissue
sensing the danger of the blade
but never the impossibility
of pulling you loose.
i thought i'd cauterized the wound
with our heat.
and its abrupt end.
but the absence mislead me.
it made my heart grow fonder of the blade
threatening to separate atrium from ventricle.
why do i cling to dreams
that cannot be fulfilled?
why can't i drop what cannot be
and let self-destructive aspirations dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
i doom myself to live
between contentment and sabotage,
a silly game of subterfuge
spent hiding behind blades of air,
hills of wind
on a plateau
where all my acts are all too clear
if i draw anyone's eye.
i need to grab the hilt
and pull you out.
but i fear i'd just push you back in.