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Mettle

i don't have the mettle
to meddle in your affairs,
much as i wish they were mine.

and yet

when i open my eyes
i know meddling is the wrong strategy,
given how little substance
remains
or ever was.
heat only warms when i can see my breath
and now it's summer in february
and i have no need for your heat.

and yet

i still cling to your memory
when i remember how cold i am inside.

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You stay silent, so afraid to engage, in fear that you'll go getting carried away. ** I'd rather have your hatred than your apathy / apathetic ambivalence. Your indifference is more painful than your ire. ** Give me anger, just don't give me fake smiles / plaster a smile on your face (to appease me) ** Your indifferent posture hurts much more than your ire ** Just going through the motions, I'm an empty husk when you look at me. ** I can't have it all, but I want you to have a chance to ** Not knowing if you're okay makes it hard for me to be. ** The indifference differential / different / indifferent ... [word play] ** Crucial crushing credibility [word play] ** Wonderful wind tremble fright things pretty in daylight go bump / sound scary / take harrowing looks into your soul at night