schism

did i cause it?
my nethers:
are they responsible for the division?
maybe i should be less obtuse.
by playing both sides
was i causing a rift?
maybe i am equally suited for both
but i made my choice --
perhaps i did so without fully considering the other side
and yes, i didn't have the opportunity to examine you
when he was filling my vision
but i need to accept the choice i made
even if there were unexplored options.
there will always be lands i haven't seen
but i got greedy?
or did my curiosity just get outside of the bag it was allotted?
i want my puzzle piece to align with your own;
at the same i know my piece has been aligned with another for eternity.
so we're both going our own ways
but you need to stop looking at him with those eyes
and i need to stop looking you you with any eyes.
i feel presumptuous when i think i made such an impact
but at the same how couldn't i?
you were vulnerable
despite having been away from your lady for so long.
and i should have seen that.
what did i see?
just us.
just puzzle pieces fitting together
and heat
and fire
and desire
and wanting
and -- at the time -- he was not confident
and he lacked what you possessed
and i was drawn in
even if you hadn't meant to lay the trap
you did.
and yet neither can be blamed
even though we both can have hate within the desire for one another.
and i'm afraid to mention it to him
because i know that would widen the gap between
and i regret putting your friendship before my contract
but it's true all the same.
"bros before hos" they say
but i don't think that applied this time.
if only you had a "she"
but you threw her away.
was that my fault too?
i don't even know what your grey matter is trying to say
though you're talking in another direction so it's not surprising
that my satellites wouldn't pick up your sounds.
perhaps i should numb my brain with other things.
part of me aches to kiss your face
but another part just wants amnesia for us both.
can we backtrack to last year and forget anything ever happened?