Doyenne

at work i've quadrupled the tenure of many of my peers
and my experience shows
but outside the four walls of my workplace
i am naive as a mute child.
i try to learn by observing
but sometimes i find myself lacking in action
i am happy, it's true
and i've seen some of the world that lies beyond my small sphere
but i know there's more
and i feel like i need to do more
to know more.
perhaps i should start by standing back from this desk
and walking somewhere, anywhere, for a few hours.
but then i'll just be lost in the big world
and my laundry will still be unfolded
and my dishes will still be unwashed
and i will still have questions.
is it truly valid to get your answers second-hand?
sometimes i wonder at how much we take as truth
without having any real evidence other than
someone's assumed authority on the topic.
but is there truly any way to know the world on your own terms
without using with someone else's lexicon in its creation?
"you must stand for something
or you'll fall for anything"
but what if i'm standing on the wrong something
and the "anything" alternative is what i should be centered on?
does duty block my path to truth?
these accepted roles we live in --
do they forbid our search for something more?
i cannot keep my nose out of a book
but i feel like these pages are confining
and that no matter how many words
and no matter how many writers
i will always be incomplete
until i find my own voice
but i fear this voice is as elusive as