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à corps perdu

à corps perdu / ? \ adjective
'with lost body'; impetuously; in desperation 

Oblivious to the slate tearing into her bare feet with each step, she sought him à corps perdu along the entirety of the riverbank. Nearly an hour had passed since Chad jumped from the ragged cliff hundreds of feet above the rocky shore. His fragile body's pounding against the rocks during his descent had broken her spirit in the same way that she was sure it had broken his bones. The echoes of silence were her only companions, and she clung to them to avoid a reality she could not face.

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You stay silent, so afraid to engage, in fear that you'll go getting carried away. ** I'd rather have your hatred than your apathy / apathetic ambivalence. Your indifference is more painful than your ire. ** Give me anger, just don't give me fake smiles / plaster a smile on your face (to appease me) ** Your indifferent posture hurts much more than your ire ** Just going through the motions, I'm an empty husk when you look at me. ** I can't have it all, but I want you to have a chance to ** Not knowing if you're okay makes it hard for me to be. ** The indifference differential / different / indifferent ... [word play] ** Crucial crushing credibility [word play] ** Wonderful wind tremble fright things pretty in daylight go bump / sound scary / take harrowing looks into your soul at night

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I suppose I should feel fortunate. I've been with the same man for six years, I've worked for the same company for nine years, I've lived in the same state for ten years. But my college diploma says "English" and my job screams "Business" and I fear that this life I’ve built is Stagnation masquerading as Stability. I’m not planning on doing something drastic like running off to join the circus or the Scientologists or anything, but maybe I should just stop planning for a change. Stop standing still. Do something spontaneous. I am too young to feel this old. --- Thanks for the 100 Word Song prompt, Lance (of My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog ). This brief introspection was inspired by Elvis Costello's "Brilliant Mistake".