Rainy Thoughts

I find that the rain affect my perspective -- as if I see everything from knee-deep in water...rather than as an observer at the top of a precipice. Nature brings me back into myself...that is to say that it frees me to look in. Yes, I admire the majestic beauty of a powerful thunderstorm; however, it only provides so much intrigue when I am trapped inside or on my porch. Much more interesting in hindsight -- in seeing the change it has effected. So here I am, looking in...and what do I see? A woman attempting to gain her footing despite the lingering influence of adolescence. A woman who knows the key to success is confidence and the grease that turns the lock is risk...but still cannot avoid her apprehensive nature so long coddled. The rain has a musicality that is both calming and invigorating -- I ache to join in its song, but cannot find the words. Sometimes I feel so in tune with the world around me, the world coursing through me...and then it's suddenly gone and I am stumbling... Perhaps if I am to learn anything from Nature it is that consistency is a fallacy...just as elusive as a rain schedule that doesn't conflict with my needs and plans...just as elusive as a ceaseless habit, an unfailing self-confidence. Who am I? I haven't a clue. But perhaps I am whoever I need to be -- rainy weather me may never meet sunny day me. But this rift I feel is in my best interest -- to be bisected may be by design.

[undated but probably in 2006-7]